Breakthrough Coaching by Marcia Reynolds: Building Presence and Trust in Your Practice

In this episode of The Coaching Book Club Podcast, Christy Stuber and Ken McKellar dive into Breakthrough Coaching by Marcia Reynolds—a must-read for coaches striving to deepen their presence, build trust, and grow professionally. Christy recounts her personal meetings with Marcia, while Ken reflects on his long-time admiration of her work, setting the tone for a lively and insightful conversation.

Key takeaways from this episode include:

• The importance of embodying a coach’s mindset: How continuous self-awareness, supervision, and reflection build coaching resilience.
• Recognizing and overcoming emotional saboteurs: Why letting go of performance pressure is vital to effective coaching.
• The neuroscience of coaching presence: How small adjustments, like posture, can impact nervous system regulation and client connection.

With practical tools, heartfelt reflection, and a touch of humor, this episode invites you to explore how coaching is not just about technique—but about who you are becoming. Whether you're new to coaching or a seasoned practitioner, this episode offers valuable insights to enrich your practice and reconnect with your coaching purpose.

Transcript

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Welcome to the Coaching Book Club podcast, the show that empowers coaches through books. I'm Christie Stuber here with my friend and co-host Ken McKeller, and today we're talking about Breakthrough Coaching by Marsha Reynolds. Here's what you can expect in this episode. First, we'll start with a quick overview of the book, what it's about, and why it matters to coaches like you. Next we'll break down three key takeaways that stood out to us and share how you can apply these insights to your coaching practice. Finally, we'll explore how these concepts connect to real world coaching challenges and help you build confidence, tackle imposter syndrome, and grow as a coach. Whether you've read this book before or hearing about it for the first time, you'll leave with actionable tools to strengthen your skills. So let's get started. Hi Ken. Hey, how you doing? Good. How excited are you to talk about this book today? Shoot. Boy, you know, I met Marcia. I. Her right. When I talk about meeting her, I've never actually met her. I mean, you have though, right? Yep, I have. Yeah. I was trying to meet her, but I, I couldn't, I every, and people will call me up and say, Hey, Marsha's over here. She's over here in room two 10, and I run over to room 10 and somebody else will call me up, Hey, she's over here. She's over here by the, in the parking lot. I run over to the parking lot. I was like. I wanna meet you. I read her first book, that's where I met her. It was called, I. Coach the person, not the problem. And I was like, wow. I was really inspired by that book. I learned a lot. And I was young in my, in my coaching career, so, you know, I read the next book, you know, that I could find, and I was the discomfort zone and I was like, what? Because now we're talking about dealing with emotions and, and, and a, a coaching space. You know, I was like, wow. And then I had the opportunity to do her webinar on breakthrough Coaching, so I was excited when this book came out, and I'm excited to talk about this book. I read Coach the person of the problem. It's, she's sitting behind me on my bookshelf and it is so marked up because there was so much wisdom in that. And then I went to Converge, um, in 2024 in Orlando, Florida with you. And I got to meet Marsha twice, and you were so upset with me. Ran into her in the bathroom, couldn't be more gracious. Then ran into her again in the parking lot and had a really nice conversation with her. She was lovely. So excited to read this book as well. And. For me, one of the most exciting parts about this book was in the very beginning when she talks about coaching, is a learning technology that generates long-term behavior change. That really lit me up'cause I learning is one of my favorite things in life. And thinking about in that context really excited me. What was not a takeaway, Ken, but what's most exciting for you about this book? I think what's exciting to me about the book is it really takes you on a coaching journey through the coach's perspective. I mean, it, it talks about actually many of the ICF core competencies. I mean, it just walks you right down. And how that shows up as a coach. You know, some examples of what that looks like. Mm-hmm. And also, I'm excited about this book'cause I can read it a bunch of times. I mean, I've already read it twice and it still remains a springboard. Also, I just wanna pause here and say, you know, you didn't have to say you met her twice. You know, you know how that was gonna get me? And you had to bring that up. The audience didn't need to know that. You know, just say, Hey, we already said that when I talked that you already met her. Now you gotta bring her that you better her twice. Just trying to get at me one day. I'm gonna meet you, Marsha, and we're gonna have a conversation about your great work you're doing. But, uh, that's, I'm certain you will. And again, I think you said right, you can read this book many times. Um, it's really dense again with lots of really great information, lots of good, um, suggestions and concepts around coaching. So it's gonna be a little bit of a challenge for us to pick three, I think three of our key takeaways. But I'd love to hear what one is for you. Well. There's a lot of good stuff in this book, but I think there's one very important one and that, and those are all my three, like one, two, and three all line up in her first chapter, and that is embody a coach's mindset learning not only about this craft of coaching. Also learning about who you are, how you show up, how you partner with, what's your collaboration thinking, how do you provide space? What conversations are you having about coaching as you have a hard time in coaching, like. Where's that support you're getting, whether it's through a supervisor, whether it's through a mentor, or whether it's through one ear, just your coach and friends. How do you support yourself? I'm talking about that right there. If you just did that by itself, you're gonna be all right. You're gonna be okay because you would stop and realize, Hey, you know what? This doesn't feel right. This doesn't sit right and you can process it. And for me, the processing has been a gift. A great learning opportunity was not only am I processing my coaching, but I'm processing my humanity. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Absolutely. And for me, when I don't do those things, then I get caught in my, in my own sort of spin. I. Because I have nobody get me out of it when I'm, if I stay too much to myself and don't use my mentoring and supervision, and then I can really fall into the traps that she mentioned. Um, the mental habits that we have as a coach that can block transformation for our clients. And there are two that really stood out to me. One was, uh, needing the client to find the session valuable and mm-hmm wanting to be appreciated. Recognizing, I think to your point about humanity, right? These are both rooted in fears of rejection and insignificance. These are probably both things that show up in all parts of my life, not just as a coach. And my work then is to use all my support systems like mentoring, supervision, coaching, meditation, all the things that I can do, exercise. To let go of this performance based idea that I have about what I'm supposed to do as a coach and step into trusting myself, trusting the client, and trusting the process. She actually had one tip that I thought was really interesting and I've been doing it while we're recording. She offers a practical nervous system tip to sit up straight. To reduce internal collapse because what she says is that if we hunch over, we're compressing our gut. And so we're losing all that information that might be coming to us through that part of our nervous system, and it could even, um, resolve in us being less assertive. I'm trying really hard to step straight open as you're looking around and open to as a way of practicing, keeping my nervous system open and flowing so I can more easily trust. I'm sitting up just straight now. I'm sitting up straight and what's coming to me is, wow. You know what, uh, listen to heart. Claire Norman, right along with Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. I mean, those three books were pretty strong in who owns the value of the session, right? Who creates the value of the session? I mean, like a real strong in terms of, uh, you know, how I show up in a session is not to get to the end, not to get you to get something, not to make you not, you got to get to right. It is just that, it's that being mm-hmm. That inquiry, isn't that what she said? Right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So I think that that is a good lesson, but once again, it still goes back to me, it still goes back to developing as a human being. Mm-hmm. Because who you are is how you coach and. Particularly earlier in, in my craft of, of coaching, you know, there was that, how the session ended was an impact on who I was. Mm-hmm. Now that shifted because I see myself different as a coach than I did when I first started, and, and I feel like the impact that we have, that we coaches have. My philosophy is different than it was when I first started, and it, it, it aligns pretty much with like the value of my clients owning their session. And I am partnering with, I'm providing the space. I, I'm, I, I pretty much work the process. You pretty much work the content and that's how we get down. Mm-hmm. For sure. And there's definitely days where I, I'm tired, I. Fatigue and my mood's down where I still can fall into the traps, right?'cause I'm still human, so I'm gonna still have that need to be liked. I'm gonna still have all those social needs that she talks about in the books that may reduce my ability to be able to keep value with the client. Um, and that's okay. Knowing that is the key, right? Knowing what do I need to take care of myself, knowing when I'm not, what the result is, and being able to identify, yep, here it is. This is what's happening right now. Mm-hmm. It's okay. Mm-hmm. Um, it's common humanity. We all, all of us suffer in different ways in our coaching as coaches. Um, you know, what, what was that word? Did she used? Unself? Wasn't that the word? Oh, I don't remember that. Yeah. Unself. Um, Isabel becoming present so that your ego judgment, all those fall away to the wayside. So you're, you're creating a clear, compassionate container for coaching. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Which goes to one of my takeaways, um, which is the importance of having the guide the coach to walk people through the reflective insight that our brain, my brain, by my, by itself, is going to avoid discomfort. It's gonna avoid hard conversations. It's gonna avoid being challenged on my own. If I have somebody else who is, um, compassionate and kind, and I trust if I have somebody else asking me those questions, I'm more likely to be able to then pull out the stories that are defining my current perspective to examine them and change them than I am on my own. She talked about a, a study, you know how I love neuroscience and I love having some research to back up stuff for me to feel validated. And she talked about this brain study in Spain. I dunno if you recall this, but there were three approaches to problem solving. Um. Researchers were studying using brain imaging. One was going solo, one was getting advice, and the third was being coached with reflections and open questions, and it was only the third, which is coaching that activated the brain's creative regions, which led to more confident, energized insights. Yeah. That doesn't surprise me though. I mean, it, it, it really doesn't. After coaching for so many years, you can almost see it. You can almost see when that avenue of possibility is created and the client's coming up for stuff. You can see it in their faces. You can hear it in their voice, their tone, that, that something's activated. And the really cool thing about it is when the production of all this activity is something. That just happened now in this space. It wasn't something that we came in with, but there's a maybe a conclusion of something you thought about or it could be something new, but it it, it's fascinating to see that shift. They call it transformation, I call it. Wow. Yeah. I, it is like magic, which is amazing. I always wanna know how the magic trick works, which is why I like the research study that shows how it works. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What's another takeaway for you to wrap things up? Um, oh yeah, I was thinking about this. So I took the girls out to dinner and right now I'm just like looking out how life and what you can learn from. Life in coaching and how it kind of blends together. So I was looking down, I was getting ready to eat, so there was a fork, the knife and the spoon, and I looked at him and I, I got a salad, so I didn't need the, the spoon and I didn't need the knife. So I grabbed a fort. And what I thought about. I was like, Kim, where's this going be with me? People out there, I know I'm talking to one person, and particularly, bitch, just be chill. I'm coming with this. But what happened is I started eating with the fork and I was thinking, right, the fork, the knife, the spoon. They're tools and she talks about tools, um, in, in, in the book and having different tools, but there are certain tools that we use in coaching that with the right tool for the right situation is beautiful. And she also talks about presence as being before any tool, having that presence is paramount. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I wanna connect that with what I thought of another takeaway, which is, um, when she talks about coaches, um, it's a metaphor that she used about when her computer breaks down and she can put calls the computer geek to come fix it. And how we as coaches are the geeks who help our clients figure out what the, the bug is. Their brains. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's, you know, keeping them from making a decision or moving forward with something. Um, and again, I'm thinking about what you said about presence as if my computer's broken and I take it, you know, to get fixed and my. Computer geek shows up frazzled and like all, um, outta sorts and not really certain. I'm not gonna feel so good about handing my computer over to them to, to have them fix it. Uh, if I show up and they're, they're calm. They're like, yeah, we know what you gotta do. We're gonna fix this. Here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna feel much better about trusting them with this. Mm-hmm. This machine that, you know, holds so much of my life in it. Um, and that goes back to your comment about presence. Right. If I'm showing up as really frazzled Christie, my clients aren't gonna feel so comfortable handing over their thoughts and beliefs. Mm-hmm. Feelings that if I can be non-judgmental and curious and open, they may be, feel more at ease with doing that. Mm-hmm. Which then allows them. To explore deeper dimensions of themself. Hmm. So, and she kind of talks about this in the book, how do you bounce back? Like when you, or okay, let's call a coaching presence. You lose coaching presence. How do you bounce back? Hmm. I actually did a whole presentation on this. Ken. I don't know if I know, I I, I've seen your presentation. I know the gold you had. I've been in your wallet. You have seen it? Yeah. To me it's about, about self compassion. It's about acknowledging like, oh, okay, something's, something's happening. Um, it's taking some deep breaths and getting myself recentered. Rounding myself. Those would be the things I'm thinking of. How do you bounce back? Well, all that right, because I've been to your presentation, but also it's reflecting and journaling and you know, seeing what's going on with me, right? Because if. If that is a default, I have, like, when this comes up, my default is landing here. I, I wanna work on changing that default so I don't land there anymore. There's an opportunity to land somewhere else that's more resourceful for me. So what you said, and also after work doing that work, which goes back to her first, her second chapter, um, embodies a, a coaching mindset, which is doing the work mm-hmm. On yourself as well. Yeah, that feels like the, um, the theme to me for this book, and maybe I'll, I'll apply this to what I'm gonna be taking away into my own coaching practice, which is the continual need to do my own work. Mm-hmm. It's, we talked about the, the formats, right? Mentoring, supervision, um, journaling, if that works. Reflection, what I'm trying to pay attention to, or what are the things that are getting in the way. She talks about the emotional saboteurs. And, you know, those, those will still sneak up on me. Right. And they still kind of poke their head over my shoulder. And so I need to learn more about those guys, understand what's going on with them, that they need to sneak in there, um, so that I can show up with, with more of an open presence for my clients. Mm-hmm. What are you gonna apply to your coaching practice? I think for me, the biggest thing that I'm reminded of, I mean the safety, trust, connection, rapport. I mean that's, I talk about that every day almost for the last four months. I mean, I just, that's just where I am right now, but I'm also. The respect piece resonates right now, because I talk about respecting the clients. I talk about respecting the the craft. I talk about respecting the space. You gotta respect their space. I use words like sacred, you know, but what's really coming up and what's really that I want to tune into is. Respecting myself. Mm-hmm. You know, in terms of learning, growing, and I'm talking about that four levels of psychological safety, type of, um, um, what is Clark is his name that he talks about and that learning safety and part of that is safe to make mistakes, right. Safe to try new things. Mm-hmm. And I try new things. Safe to make mistakes. Right. Because part of the learning and growing is trying some new things and respecting myself, but also Christie, Stu respecting the process. Mm-hmm. Yes, sir. Kim Keller. It's true. It's there. It's there for a reason. It works. Like I said, it's, it's not just magic. There is science behind it. Yeah. Well, that wraps up our discussion today on Breakthrough Coaching by Marsha Reynolds. This book reminded us that coaching isn't about solving, it's about shifting. When clients see themselves differently, they become different. And when we show up with presence, curiosity, and courage. We can help them write a new mental code. We hope these takeaways have sparked new ideas for your practice and inspired you to dig deeper into this incredible resource. Before we sign off, we wanna thank you for spending your time with us today. Your commitment to learning and growth is what this podcast is all about. And if you enjoy today's episode, make sure to subscribe to the Coaching Book Club on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode. We'd also love to connect with you on LinkedIn, follow us for even more coaching insights and updates about upcoming episodes, and we're always in the lookout for new books to review. So if you have a favorite book that's made an impact on you, let us know. Who knows it might be featured in a future, future episode. Thanks for being part of our community. Until next time, happy coaching.