Your Brain’s Not for Thinking?! Insights from Lisa Feldman Barrett’s ‘Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain

Did you know your brain’s primary job isn’t thinking? 🤯

In this episode of The Coaching Book Club, hosts Christy Stuber and Ken McKellar explore Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett — a thought-provoking book that challenges our assumptions about how the brain works. If you’re a coach looking to understand brain science and its impact on coaching, this episode is for you.

Join us as we dive into three powerful insights from the book:
✅ How your brain predicts (almost) everything you do — and why that matters for coaching conversations
✅ The “energy budget” and practical strategies to manage your mental and emotional resources as a coach
✅ Brain-to-brain regulation — why staying calm and present helps create a safe environment for your clients

Whether you’re a coach seeking personal growth, a manager wanting to build leadership skills, or someone looking to deepen your understanding of neuroscience, this episode offers practical coaching techniques and mindset shifts you can start using right away.

Learn how to build coaching confidence through brain science and apply these insights to overcome imposter syndrome, improve coaching skills, and cultivate stronger client connections. This episode is packed with professional development tips for coaches, practical coaching strategies, and actionable takeaways from one of the best coaching books of the year.

Tune in now to discover how understanding the brain can transform your coaching practice!

Transcript

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welcome to the Coaching Book Club podcast, the show that empowers coaches through books. I'm Christie Stuber here with my friend and co-host Ken McKeller, and today we're diving into seven and a half lessons about the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett. A fascinating book that explores how our brains shape our behaviors, emotions, and interactions in ways that can have a huge impact on coaching. So here's what you can expect in this episode. First, we'll share what stood out to each of us about this book and why it's relevant for coaches. Next, we'll break down three key insights that really made us think differently about our coaching practice. And finally, we'll talk about how we've been applying these ideas with clients and how you might give it a go as well. Whether you've read this book before or hearing about it for the first time, you'll leave with actionable tools to strengthen your coaching skills. Let's get started. Hi, Ken. Hey, how you doing? Good. So seven and a half lessons about the brain. What was important about this book for you? Well, first off, this is one of those books that it made you think of my youth in terms of on the block. Anytime somebody says something outrageous. Or going in a, a courage direction, go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You know, like they say, Hey man, you have shoes in your mama? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't, don't go there. You don't wanna go there. Right? This book had me doing that a bunch of times, and it's like, whoa, whoa, Lisa, what? Whoa, what are you, what are you talking about? So this was some really pure opportunity to think about some stuff. I mean, she leaves with. Your brain's not for thinking. And I'm like, whoa, whoa. But what she backs it up with in terms of, you know, the brain regulating the body and, and the brain regulate, you know, you know, just for survival. That right there was the biggest takeaway. It's just that outlook. And lesson four, lesson four was big for me, which we'll get to in a second. Yeah, I, you know, I love talking about neuroscience. I love talking about brains. For me, it's just been so helpful to understand what's happening. I. In my brain to explain why I am showing up or doing the things that I do, that knowing that there's something behind it, which is about survival, as you mentioned, makes me understand why it's happening and not think that I'm crazy or I'm bad, or I'm wrong. Um, I also joke that Lisa Feldman Barrett is my second favorite neuroscientist. My first one being my partner, uh, reading these books. Are really fun for us. So I can talk to him what I'm reading and he can share his perspective on it. So it's also a fun way for me to connect with him in a way we might not normally be able to combine, you know, our roles. So. Nice. Yeah. What do you think about diving into those takeaways a little bit more? Well, well, um, one other thing I wanted to say. How do you say it? Allat Ptosis. Mm. Allostasis. Ais. Yeah. Allo stasis. Aosis is bad breath, right? I want 21 allostasis, right? Mm-hmm. Predicting and preparing to meet the body's needs before they arise. Like just that concept right there had me like thinking a lot as far as how we navigate this, the world. That was a big takeaway for me as well, that, um, energy budget that she describes. First of all, I love that she uses the metaphor of the budget. Made me think about when we talked about Liza Hart's book about metaphors and how useful they can be to take this big complicated topic and make it more concrete. Hard to understand allostasis, but when you say budget, I understand, oh, there's, you know, there's debits and withdrawals and so what am I doing every day? That's helping me build up my energy budget and what am I doing That's, you know, drawing it down. And I think about this, especially when I'm preparing for coaching. You know, what do I need to be doing? Competency too embodies a coaching mindset, right? 2.7, mentally and emotionally preparing for sessions, what am I doing to, to build that budget so that I am fully present for my clients. What are the kind of things that you do in your practice to help you? Have a balanced body budget, especially as you're coaching. I give myself five minutes before sessions at least, at least, to kind of do a couple things. Number one, kind of go over what I'm getting ready to get into, whether it's past notes, whether it's upcoming new client, and didn't give myself that time just to. Woo. I had a moment just kind of just relax and just right, and then just think about positive thoughts, positive sessions, positive interactions, positive, free flowing. Just let it be. Let it happen. Just let it happen and give my permission. Give myself permission to let it happen. I'm not trying to guide it. I'm not trying to move it along. Just kind of let it happen. And when I, when I do that. I'm pretty happy with whatever results as the results don't belong to me. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I was, as I was reading the book, I was thinking about a new client that I met with recently. Somebody I find a little bit intimidating because of the, the role that they have in their organization, and I set aside a lot of time that morning to, you know, eat a really good breakfast to move my body in some way. To do what you said, like take some deep breaths and kinda get myself centered before I walked in the room. I also have a self-compassion playlist that I curated, and I love listening to that, um, because it helps me, like, remember everything's okay, all the positive things you just said, right? The world is full of kindness. Everything's gonna be okay. Um, I have everything I need to be able to do this. And that really helped that conversation go successfully. I didn't fall into that trap. Which maybe leads to another takeaway about predictions we can get there, you know, of being intimidated. Instead, I could just be who I am as a coach. Um, pause. I want that playlist. No, no, no. Not pause. Real, I mean, pause. I want, just note that I want that playlist, please. So, subscribers, anybody that would like. Let us know. We got a nice little picture. Hey, listeners, check out our LinkedIn. I'll have it available for you there. That, that, that is, that is, that is awesome. What do you think about, she had a quote here that I thought was interesting. I, I don't, I couldn't wait to talk to you today to see what you thought about this. She says the brain's most important job is not rationality, not emotions, not imaginations or creativity or empathy. The brain's most important job is to control your body's energy needs before they arise. Mm-hmm. It's a, it's a lot of thinking going, thoughts going through my head as we're saying that. Like, it's kind of a, a miracle to think like, how does my brain know what I'm gonna need before I even need it? Um, and I do think this goes to predictions. Does that mean for you? Yes. Yeah. Yes. That was my other step. Yeah, go ahead. No, I was gonna ready to say, I think we're on the same page with that, but that, that, that chapter in the book, lesson number four, your brain predicts almost everything you do, and I was like, whoa, whoa. It was that point for me. Right. This challenge is the traditional view, um, that, you know, we, we, we, uh, we react, but according to this, what she's talking about, it kind of predict and sets things up to get ready for it to happen. One analogy that she used helped me, she said like, drinking water. He says, you drink a glass of water and your, your, your thirst is, is quenched. Mm-hmm. But in reality, your blood doesn't hit your, your de water doesn't hit your bloodstream for another 20 minutes. So it, it is not really quenched. It's what you think. It's being quenched and your, everything else is responding to what's not really there. Right. Right. It's wild, right? It's like a, it doesn't feel real in many ways that like, what is this reality we live in? It's our brain making up all kinds of stuff, which I find as a helpful reminder as a coach.'cause like, like this client I had that I found is intimidating, right? My brain was making up all kinds of stuff. Yeah. Happen. Based on all of my past experiences, all the ways I've been exposed to things as a Western, you know, civilization in the US as a white woman, all the things, I'm gonna have a different prediction of what that meeting's gonna be like than maybe you will or maybe somebody else and different part of the world. And so being aware of like, what was my brain predicting and then how do I update that prediction based on what happened? I love that quote that she says, when the prediction doesn't match reality, your brain can either adjust or stick with its prediction and adjusting is learning. Yes, yes. And you know, as you were saying that just right then I was thinking how do we update, you know, our biases like in a coaching session when going into a coaching session? I mean, really. Just learning from that individual that's in front of us right there. That moment in hearing and accepting who they are. Um, I like we always talk about, meet them where they are. I like to add and accept who they are in the process. But how do you do that, Ken? Like, how do you allow yourself to accept who they are in the process when you are human and so you will have your own predictions. Yeah, well, I have this imaginary shelf that I have on either side of me when I'm in a coaching session and when something hits that doesn't align or doesn't fit with me as a person. I put that on the shelf because my goal is to, like Dr. Boris has always says she, she teaches at Diversity Institute. Steady water. Steady water, and that right there, I said, Ooh, lemme get back in the steady, because it's, it's kind of, it's kind of wavy. Now let's put this thinking on a shelf steady water and let me be a part of what I'm here for. Right. To support the client that's in front of me, wherever they are. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So for you, it's like when you're in the session, it's about not letting. Your brain predictions based on who you are as a human. Not right or wrong, not good or bad, get in the way of the engagement by putting it on the shelf. Letting those, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But it's not about not letting, it's about letting, letting it happen, letting it happen. When that does happen, it's just easy. Just, just slide on over there. Mm-hmm. Slide over there because. I don't know. But if you tell me you don't have own intrusive thoughts, come in during a session, I'm not gonna really say you're a liar, but that'd be hard for me to believe. Um, but if I'm spending time trying to prevent stuff from happening, that's a lot of energy. But if I just, okay, that's there. Move on over there. I see you in about 35, 40 minutes. You move all right on over there and try to get back into with the person that's in front of me. Yeah, I think, I think that's what she's saying, right? We, of course, we all have intrusive thoughts because it's our brain doing its job to try to protect us, to keep us alive by making predictions. So if I'm doing a video call the client and they, you know, look aside, I'm gonna have a react. My brain's gonna have a reaction to that. It's gonna have a story. It's associating with that, a meaning. It's gonna try to make out of it. And what you're saying is like, oh, there it is. Okay. Just move it aside. Come back to that later. Stay connected to the client. Mm-hmm. Um, that makes me think about the other takeaway that I had, which was how our brains regulate each other. Well, he just made a, a face. What was that, that big? No, no, no. That, that did hit with me too. That, yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. I wanna hear what you have to say. Woo. This was good. This was good. Yeah. Well, I think it's just having the awareness that what I do can impact my client, meaning. All my nonverbals, all the way I'm showing up, and so I need to be aware of it, um, so that I can stay calm and centered and create that space so then the client feels safe. You know, so this is competency four, cultivating trust and safety competency. Five, maintaining presence. Underneath that is the importance of if I have a look on my face or if I look aside or something happens, my clients can interpret that based on their worldview, on their predictions that they have. And how might that impact then the coaching space between us? How do you think about it? No, I like that. I like that. And that along with what's really there. What clients may be making up as a result of just being nervous or their own perception of what's going on. Right. So a coach really has a lot to navigate, particularly in that first session and establishing what I call the high five of coaching, which we'll get into in another time. Mm-hmm. Um, but the five being connection, rapport, safety, trust, and respect. Another thing I was thinking about too was we connect with other people no matter what. I mean, if we're in a grocery store, I. We're connecting with people. The the energy that find that's kind of feeds off on, on us. We can hear somebody in two rows over yelling at somebody, and our body's reacting, oh, okay. What's going on here? Right? And, and I'm taking it from Lisa's point of view. She's like, what's going on here? You know, do I need to get down? Do I need to run or do I need to go protect somebody? What? You know, if we're taking it from the spot of, I just need you to be safe right now. And that's becomes really interesting when you look at working through life, not thinking, but just existence so that I can pass my genes to the next person. Yeah. When I talk to clients about this, I say, um, our brains are exceptionally good. Finding the prediction, right? The prediction for the threat or the perceived threat. Our brains are exceptionally bad at nuancing, and then that's our job to update those scripts, those predictions, so that we can start to nuance better. My biggest takeaway, mm-hmm. From like a coach's perspective, it goes back to that pause, like when I can find time to pause. And think before I act or react, man, that's a powerful position to be in or afterwards, pause and reflect. You know, what was it, what, what was it that I was really trying to say? I say that with my kids all the time. You know, they throwing a, they throwing a little fit. I like, oh, help me. What are you really trying to say? They paused for a second and they said, I wanna go to Urban Air and you're taking us to the pool. Oh, okay. Two things there I'm thinking about. One is that what you're doing with your kids is cultivating learning, right? You're, you're asking them what's your evoking the awareness. What's going on right now? What, what's happening? And then let's cultivate some learning about updating that script. Maybe maybe finding a different way to ask for what you need. I, whatever the, whatever you're trying to do as a parent, um, I'm also thinking about that pause and I'm thinking about that Pause. I just did it right. That big pause, take that breath. Is is part of our energy budget. It's part of that allostasis, right? We are doing it. We can do it all the time, all throughout the day. It doesn't have to be this big thing that we sit and do for hours, but noticing, oh, I need to take a deep breath right now to help my body stay in budget and my brain predicting, and I can just do that. Yeah. Listen, subscribers talk to me. Read the book. Tell me what you think. Did this book leave you saying. Whoa. Wait a minute now, Lisa, that's too far right? Did the book leave you? Hey. Okay. There's a shift in my growth in my thinking towards how I navigate particularly coaching spaces. So I'm curious for you specifically, Ken, what are you gonna be applying to your coaching practice from this book? It's just a little bit more of what I already do, and that's just really being a little bit more curious, asking that next question and really understanding that, you know, off this book, if we're just making it up based off of survival. Right. What's going on in the session? What's really going on? So, yeah, I have to think about that. It's gonna be along those lines. I, I don't really spend too much time trying to plan things out, but I think I'll spend some time really just appreciating in the sessions where we are and where this, where this thing is going. I think about how in my eagerness sometimes to connect with clients, especially new clients, I'll want to, um, make a prediction that I know what they're gonna say so I can join with them on that and we can make a connection and realizing that that's my brain doing its job. And it gets in the way of me really knowing my client and their worldview. And so I need to really balance that eagerness of wanting to connect with curiosity so I can really understand my clients and then I can show how I can connect with them in that way, right about understanding their worldview rather than trying to sort of jump ahead to what I think they're gonna say and agree with them on that. Any final words before we wrap up for today? Read the book. That's gonna always be my final words. Read the book, tell me what you think. Yeah. Well, that wraps up our discussion on seven and a half lessons about the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett. Uh, we've covered some powerful insights, some good reminders from understanding how our brains predict to managing our body budget. Being calm and cultivating trust through presence. I hope these ideas have sparked new thoughts for your coaching practice. And if you enjoyed today's episode, make sure to subscribe to the Coaching Book Club on Spotify or Apple Podcasts so you never miss an episode. We'd also love to connect with you on LinkedIn for more coaching insights and to hear from you. And if you've got a book you'd love us to cover, let us know. You can send us an email at Coaching book So thanks for joining us and until next time, happy coaching.